


On Guard

by Scharffy



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Depression, F/M, Fencing, Foil - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Gen, HELLA GAY SHIT, Hunter X Hunter Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Other, Romance, Sabre, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Trans Alluka Zoldyck, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, alluka supremacy bitches, epee, i cannot write send help, ships, what do I put in tags ;-;
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26597596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scharffy/pseuds/Scharffy
Summary: Killua Zoldyck, star member of the Yorknew Hunter High's fencing team, had just about cemented his life course when the quirky, social Gon Freecss stumbles in on his private class. Literally.From then on, his life molds into a disastrous cliche of fate that he simply can't avoid. Already balancing his personal trouble, he finds that three chaotic friends might as well pile onto his concerns.Blades clash, companionship sprouts, and an unnoticeable boy realizes his world.______If you couldn't tell, I'm an epee fencer IRL starved of fencing fiction because apparently no one knows what modern day  sword-fighting is?? Anyway, my motto being "write what you want to read" I decided to make this fic spur of the moment. Forgive me for the slow updates lmao. I'm trying to be more consistent but I am the world’s proudest procrastinator with no brain juice here.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. Trip, Trip, Fence!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic on AO3. I'm publishing this on Wattpad too, but far off in the future. Sorry if I go too much into the fencing aspect but that is my favorite part to write. I hope you like it!

**"Riposte** , Killua, not retreat!"

_Shing_! went Bisky's blade against mine. I winced, parrying her intentionally weak attack.  
  


"I'm try—AH!" Her weapon circled my bell guard, and the tip was at my chest in mere seconds.

"Focus, Killua." Bisky let out a heavy sigh. "You can't back out of everything. Go through with your attacks!" She stepped away, falling into the on guard position and halting me. The coach tugged her mask off, somehow having immaculate hair despite the strenuous hour of nonstop practice we'd been participating in. "Get some water."

"Right," I mumbled and drooped over to the narrow seating arrangement where my bottle rested. I put my blade on the bench and worked on uncorking the drink.

"Keep your blade on the rack," Bisky added after some thought. "We'll wrap up with stretches." I glanced back at her, surprised she was cutting the lesson off short. Her eyes flicked all too quickly across the small space, finally slowing at the small clock mounted on the wall.

"...okay...?" I walked back into the locker room, shedding all my whites, comforted by the same worn basketball shorts I'd sported most of summer. With September on the rise, I'd have to switch to sweats soon. I hate the cold. Just as I walked back into the main space, a sharp scream jolted me.

"Fuck! Oh mother of fiiiiiish— goddammit!!" A loud burst of angry words and metallic clangs spilled into the air. I turned to face the locker room, and a streak of viridescent black barreled into me.

I screeched girlishly, jumping a good yard back as a series of green spikes rammed into my nose. "What the hell?!" I burst out, shoving what could only be the abnormally large hedgehog away from my face.

I grabbed the boy by his bristly hair, thrusting him as far from me as I could. Bisky's exasperated groan followed. "Gon," she rolled her eyes.

"Sorry ma'am—Biscuit—Bisky!" The hedgehog child stammered under her powerful glare.

"Bisk—what—you know this h—guy?" I demanded, releasing the (admittedly human) boy's hair.

"Yes..." Bisky nodded after a bit. "I was hoping to introduce you two eventually but I didn't think it would happen so suddenly," she laughed forcefully.

"Eventually?" I said, still annoyed this porcupine had been kept secret from me. And the fact that he'd probably heard about me or seen me before only ticked me off more. I didn't like the idea of someone knowing more about me than I did them.

"Ahem!" Gon cleared his throat, "I'm still here. And sorry for intruding I just...came a bit early, and thought I might watch..."

"Watch?!" I yelped, now thoroughly creeped out by this human rodent. Then I took into account his earlier statement and surveyed his figure. With a scrawny torso and little pony legs there was no way he was a professional.

"I'm sorry," the Gon guy babbled, nervously gnawing at his lip.

"It's fine, just try to be quiet next time," Bisky sternly scolded. "Also pick up whatever you destroyed in the locker room," she added.

"Right away," he mumbled, hurrying back around the corner. I snorted, dragging an arm behind my neck and over my head in a stretch as per my unofficial coach's instructions.

"This is why you wanted me to pack up sooner?" I tipped my elbow farther down my back and shifted my weight.

"In a way," she shrugged as Gon returned. "But you boys meeting was inevitable, I suppose, since your sessions were back to back."

"Yes, how convenient," I drawled as Gon stared me down. After a harsh second of unbearable tension, I extended a single hand. "Killua."

"Freecss," he smiled. "Gon Freecss."

"Caught that," I managed flatly, wishing my voice wasn't so dry and empty. "Anyway, sorry for running into your time. I'll go now," this was directed to Bisky, but as I turned to leave, she grabbed the low collar of my tank and tsked.

"Someone didn't finish stretching."

"Funny you say that, Gon didn't even start so how could—" I whimpered as she pulled me back onto the strip by my collar, heels scraping the whole way.

"On the floor, Maggot."

"Yes, Bisky," I obeyed weakly, flopping to the yoga mat on the wooden boards and working out the aches in my body.

"Don't think you're off the hook for disrupting Killua's class. Twice the laps, now."

"Scary!" He squeaked under his breath, and took off the metal strip. I smirked at his struggle, hopping to my feet and snagging my water bottle. I slipped my blade, mask, and whites into my shoulder-hung bag, about to wave goodbye when Bisky stopped me.

"It's only six o'clock; you don't have anything urgent do you?"

I paused thinking about the fencing team and reconnecting with old not-so friends. There was supposed to be a before-school video chat. Seeing those anticipated faces all expecting me to take over.... "Not really." I lied. "Why? You want me to stay?"

"Gon's just gotten into fencing and going against me doesn't do him the justice of a real bout..."

"You want me to fence him?" I scoffed, ignoring the pouty "hey!" He shot back at us from the other end of the strip.

"His technique's not all that bad, and I think you really need to brush off that rust summer break gave you." Bisky observed.

"Yeah Killu, you're rusting from all the summer moisture!" Gon called as he jogged back over my way.My face brightened at the use of the nickname. Only nameless, despicable family had ever called me that.

"Shut your trap, Freecss!" I ordered bossily, and fixed my attention on Bisky. "I mean, how is holding back going to improve my skills?"

"You say that confidently," Bisky analyzed, "but the harder I push the more you are questioning your own level. Modesty is good at times, but doubt is not."

"Your point?" I rolled my shoulders and anxiously glanced to Gon, who was still fresh-faced after running back and forth fourteen times across the strip.

"Maybe fencing someone you know is weaker than you will give you the esteem boost you need," she nudged my elbow playfully. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Uh, I could utterly destroy him in a five-touch." Gon interjected.

"Coward. Fight me to fifteen."

"See!" Bisky declared boldly. "You know you can outlast him in a long-term bout of fortitude, but you're uncertain about aggressive quick-scores."

"Ughhhhh," I sighed. "Anyway I already put my whites away, so..."

"Suit up or you're out." Bisky deadpanned.

"What?!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands out in frustration. "I have to go up against a newbie oryou quit?"

"You understand; perfect!" She clapped her hands. "Gon, finish your warm-ups, then fence Killua!"

"O-okay," he stuttered and I couldn't help the catlike smile shaping my lips.

"Is that a touch of fear I detect?" I cupped a hand around my ear dramatically.

"Pfft. You wish." His arms pumped as he finished his laps and switched to galloping side to side, followed by a grapevine.

A good ten minutes had passed by the time he was done getting prepared. I sat impatiently on the bench, overthinking his strength and style. Why did Bisky want to pitch us against one another so quickly? Based on what little information I'd been giving, Gon couldn't have been attending Bisky's little club for more than a month. Maybe he was some natural beginner.

"Go get dressed," she jerked her thumb at the locker room, then the two of us. We nodded in fear, the wrath of the female looming like a typhoon.

"How long've you been fencing?" Gon asked, pulling an underarm guard on inside out. I made a sour face at his improper getup, tugging on a chest plate and deciding to withhold from pointing out the price tag on the cloth he wore.

"Long enough," I threw out vaguely with a casual shrug. He smiled brightly.

"I just started lessons in August."

My jaw floored. "So, like, five weeks?" I scoffed, wondering if my sudden confidence was a bad thing.

"Well, Bisky says I'm a—"

"Diamond in the rough?" I mocked, eyes widening sarcastically. "Yeah, she sure likes her terminology."

"I CAN HEAR YOU TWO!" She bellowed from the other side of the wall.

Gon started at the yell of our coach, and I decided a little provocation wouldn't hurt given the fact that Bisky was forcing me to fence him. "Nah, she can't really, not with those old hag ears."

"THAT'S FORTY CRUNCHES!" Her angry voice sailed into the small lockerroom.

"I think she can hear just fine," Gon defended slyly. "And she doesn't look old at all. Maybe early thirties?

I managed to keep my laughter at bay for a few short seconds, but it burst out quickly.

"I was just being honest!" He held up his hands defensively as I slipped a body cord through my jacket. "She actually looks really young."

Leave it to this kid to flirt with old ladies. "Dude, she's like, sixty." I chortled.

"Fifty, and that's twenty more crunches." Bisky corrected haughtily.

"Ugh," I complained, and waited outside as Gon pulled on the rest of his whites. Once we'd both hooked up to the strip, Bisky told us she'd stay out of the way but pause us if we were doing shitty so she could advise. Her bluntness hadn't softened one bit over the summer.

"On guard," I said, wishing Bisky would treat this seriously instead of letting us act like we were testing weaponry. "Ready."

"Y-yeah!" Gon may have sounded scared but his posture was all offense.

"Fence!" I wasted no time lunging for his shins, an utter dick move but totally worth it when he scrambled back, flustered. I jabbed again at his chest, parrying his sloppy attack with ease. The bout ended quickly, him scoring a single fluke touch on my foot by pure accident.

_Never go against an enemy you know is stronger._

So much for stronger.

My disdain towards the boy had shrunk when his skills were laid bare before me. Not a half-bad athlete, his raw skills could be fined into something all the more better than myself.

"Thanks for fencing with me," he blurted as I offered a handshake.

"Like it was optional," I laughed, raising my eyebrow.

"You sure seem to like fencing," he snorted back, following me into the locker room. I tensed as his eyes followed my bag. "It was fun though."

"Sure. If you can call utter victory entertaining."

Gon threw a playful punch at my shoulder, and the eternal weight in my chest seemed to relive an iota. "How'd you get around to fencing at Bisky's?" I toyed with conversation to fill the quiet.

His chipper demeanor darkened. "Just a coincidence. I go to Yorknew Hun—"

"Wait, really? I go there too—how come I've never seen you around?" I interrupted with a flurry of questions.

"You don't really seem like an extrovert," the teen inclined his head, sending his unnatural hair lilting in a rather distracting way.

"Hmph. I never had a need for friends, and even if I did, I have my teammates in the fencing club. Acquaintances will suffice—"

"You're on the fencing team?" His eyes shone adoringly. "I got to all of your tournaments! Not, like,states, but the ones the club goes to unofficially!"

"And the stalking intensifies," I muttered under my breath, flicking a nonexistent piece of dust off of my tank.

"I mean, doesn't that point out some attractiveness in you? Honestly, if I were you I'd be pleasantly surprised to see anyone taking an interest in that personality." He coughed awkwardly after realizing he'd called me ugly to my face.

"Way to call me a loser, loser." I stuck my tongue out, wrapped up my belongings, and made for the exit. I'd been called a failure my whole life, but hearing it from a complete stranger felt like an extra knife to the gut.

I pushed open the door, feeling a wave of refreshing September air wash over me. A warm shoulder nudged mine. "I didn't mean it like that. C'mon, don't be mad," Gon pleaded, following me outside.

The pavement crackled under my sneakers, and when I could take his whining no more I locked my legs and glared at him.

"Don't you have to go home? Go back to your life? Stop following me!" I stamped my foot. I thought the extra action would scare him away, but all he did was skip faster beside me.

Annoyed yet internally curious, I leapt into a run and shot down the street towards the bus stop, hoping to shake the incessant boy off my back. But as I turned the corner of the block, feet skidding sharply, he clutched my elbow and leveraged himself ahead of me.

"Not so brave outside of the strip now, are we?" He jeered, legs pumping faster. I felt like a fucking twelve-year-old when the competitive streak within me lit up, but I couldn't care less as I raced him down the avenue.

"Zip it!" I threatened, veering around Gon. The bus was pulling up in front of the plastic bench, doors hissing open.

"Hurry up!" I called over my shoulder, fencing bag thumping against my ribs as I pushed forward. I could almost touch it; the doors were right there-

"LOOK OUT—" Gon toppled over me, his knees knocking into my skull. The gray tar of the street suddenly filled my vision and the scent of gasoline burned my nostrils. My cheek pressed flat into the rough road, and when I pushed myself up, my hands in a puddle of dirty water, I could feel ingrained lumps in my face.

"You little—ugh!" slick water ran down my arms. He helped me to my feet, apologetically pointing to the bus which had already zoomed off.

Gleaming hickory eyes tentatively searched mine, and although a scolding scream was building up in my throat, all I could think to do was laugh. "Jerk!" I babbled, shoving him none-too gently into the building wall. "Watch where you're going!" He snickered, posture relaxing. I was covered in sewer slime but I just didn't find the energy within me to be mad at him.

"Stop laughing!" I ordered, wiping joyful tears from my eyes with the mucky heels of my hands. "You pushed me into the street, you asshole!" I flicked my wet fingers at him, spraying his smug grin with water.

"EWWWWWWWWW—!" He slapped his face with either hand, trying to get off the flecks of grime. "I'm SORRY." He bawled as I made to flick him again.

"Well, now I have to walk." I sighed, flopping onto the public bench and stretching out my legs. Gon brushed past me, sitting down.

He didn't seem to knowhow to carry conversation, so I ruffled his head of spikes and stood. "I guess I'll see you some other time." Half a second later I thought to add, "don't follow me home, 'kay?"

"I'm not—HEY! GET BACK HERE!" He yelled. I gave a dismissive wave.

"Later, loser."


	2. The Oreo & Falafel

**"KI!** LLU! A!" Knuckle's obnoxious voice rang around through my eardrums. "Why did you ditch us at the call yesterday? We were so worried about you!!" He sobbed in his racking deep voice, laying a burly bicep across my back.

"Oh, shut it. I had club practice, and you knew it." I grumped, crossing my arms and looking away.

"Yeah, how come you never share where you go? It's not fair." Knuckle had been wanting to learn the whereabouts of my out-of-school fencing group for quite some time. But no way was I gonna let that bonehead— _knuckle_ head—learn where I spent most of my time.

"Cause I don't want want you barging into every part of my life," I shrugged him off, shifting from the couch to the tiny chair in front of the counter. We were in my single person apartment, and so was...

A toilet flushed noisily, and Shoot came out of the bathroom. Honestly, the disproportionate boy kind of scared me. His stalky hair completely overbalanced his narrow face. High cheekbones might be considered elegant in some world, but not his, where the sharp points under his eyes added to a dismal, aloof effect. Half-lidded, bulging pupils made him seem like a tired frog.

"Ya done? Great." I snorted, mood soured by the fact that those two had the mind to storm my apartment for a potty break. "Let's go before we get our asses handed to us by the new coach."

"Oh, don't be so downy. I bet he's kind, and honorable." Knuckle nodded self-assuringly, his warrior persona playing in.

"Hm. Move it." I jerked my head to the door and we descended through the small elevator to the lobby of my apartment complex. The rent was reasonable, the stature above mediocre, and the neighbors quiet; to me that was all I asked for. Cost would gain a bigger role in my life when college came around the corner, since I'd need to support myself, but since I leant heavily on unsavory family for financial problems, I was doing fine as of the moment.

Our goal was to reach the park before eleven, hoping our new mystery-faced leader wouldn't reprimand us. The previous Yorknew men's epee coach had left his position to spend time with family or something, but I'd never forget Wing.

The park's low iron-wrought fence came into view, just over the crest of the road. My legs sped up just a tiny bit, and a twinge of apprehension flashed through my stomach. What would this coach be like? Look like? Would he be overbearing and kind? Hard-edged and cruel? Was there any way to define someone so simply, or would this adult be someone split on the line of binary. 

"AYO!!!! KIIIILLLLLUUUUAAA!!" Ikalgo's surprisingly deep voice bellowed out after me. He was a stubby kid with a sturdy build. Defined eyebrows arched over his dark eyes, followed by a snub nose and broad lips forever frozen in a loyal smile. He was the one person I'd taken a genuine liking to. Knuckle and Shoot were occupational hazards who _liked_ to call me their friend but were really in denial about our relationship.

"You should have seen Knuckle at the call last night without his precious Killua. Actually, you're lucky you missed it." Ikalgo wrinkled his practically nonexistent nose, eyeing Knuckle's thick arm on my back with some shade of amusement. He led the three of us back up the hill and onto the coarse grass marking the start of the public park.

"Glad to know," I patted Ikalgo's bristly cropped head, hearing a liquid smooth voice behind me. A pale hand wrapped around my shoulder with some threatening level to its grip. A slice of fear gutted through me, dark memories spiraling into a contorted shape.

Brother. 

No.

My family does not have _blond hair_.

My family does not have a _sweet voice_.

My family does not _care_.

That is not my _family_.

That is _Kurapika_.

Pale-skinned almond-eyed blond-haired kind-hearted Kurapika.

"Why are you here?" I blurted, wincing as I realized how rude that sounded. "I mean, why are YOU _here._ In THIS moment at the park. With the fencing team. Gosh I'm sorry," I mumbled, holding an embarrassed face with my hands.

"I didn't choose you for your social skills," Kurapika tipped his mouth into a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, well, I certainly didn't choose you for your mouth." I scoffed back.

"No, you chose me for my looks," he flatlined matter-of-factly, gave a mock hair toss, and ruffled my head patronizingly. "And I came cause this guy wanted me to introduce you two." Kurapika hooked a thumb towards a tall man with a scruffy face and suspicious eyes. He kept a hunched position, hands dug deep in his pockets.

"Leorio Paladiknight." The lanky person peered over his too-small spectacles. I didn't bother taking his extended hand, instead withdrawing my arms behind my head.

"I'm Killua. Nice to meet you Reolio."

"It's _Leorio_. L-E-O-R-I-O."

"Okay Oreo. Can I call you Oreo? Thanks, Oreo." I nagged, poking fun at his expression.

"Listen, I didn't drag my ass out here to watch some punk lip off his opinion."

"Oh? Then what did you get out of bed for?" My eyes trailed over to Kurapika. "Him? Cause let me tell you, that intellectual blond does not fall for thirty-year-old imbeciles."

"Thirty? THIRTY?!?" Leorio spluttered. "I'm in college you little ra-"

"Calm down." Kurapika hushed, pressing a hand against each of our chests. "Leorio was interested in fencing. Not on the team, or professionally, of course; just wondering about what I told him. So I thought I'd let you two meet, but maybe that wasn't the wisest. Nonetheless." Kurapika's silky words soothed the conflict.

"Okay," I tried, deciding to leave the cookie man and Kurapika alone to search for the new coach. I recognized most of the figures mingling about in the park fields and benches, but the one who stood out the most was a lean adult with waist-length grey hair managed in place by a blue baseball cap. He conversed with the YHH's sabre and foil captains, Morel and Knov.

Curiosity thoroughly piqued, I casually edged my way over to the trio. The long-haired man raised his hand, pointing behind the coaches. Morel and Knov whipped around to see whatever the other man had told them, and the stranger spun calmly to look me dead in the eye.

I cleared my throat, shuffling awkwardly. The way his slanted eyes stuck fast with mine was unnerving, so bold, I couldn't break the grip. He blinked slowly, allowing me to rip away my gaze.

"Hello." He didn't have the almighty air most older people held over younger humans. This person was simply greeting me.

"Who are you?" I asked back, inspecting his simply getup. Long-sleeved shirt and jeans fit for the weather, as well as a strange blue rope coiled around his waist, almost a belt.

"You may call me Kite. And you?" I thought of birds and toys and children and animals and so many other things I couldn't keep up as his voice slithered through the air.

"Killua. Zoldyck." I added, realizing that I really didn't want to come off as rude towards this stranger. I'm not quite sure why, I just didn't.

His brow hiked up his face. "Zoldyck, you say?" I tensed, sweat slipping down my temple.

"Er, no, _Soldeek_. S and a E-E-K." I lied, knotting my fingers anxiously behind my back and hoping he would take the words for truth.

"Ah, my mistake. I was thinking of the infamous crime lords, you see, but it's all fiction, isn't it? Sorry, Killua." He waved his hand airily. I flinched. "Anyway, nice meeting you." He smiled, and made his way over to the crowd of epeeists gathering at the arrival of the new coach.

In a daze, I followed my friends as Kite introduced himself. "Yo! I'll be picking up where Wing left off as your new coach." He nodded at each of us, then turned the attention to Morel and Knov.

"The three of us will do our best to run this team together," Knov put in. There was some mild cheering, but it faded out quickly.

Afterwards, it was mostly chatter and snacking; crazy devoted people brought homemade sandwiches for these meets. Somewhere along the lines, the foil and sabre teams joined us, co-ed all in all. I didn't recognize many among them.

As the sun crawled to its peak, Knuckle came up from behind me and prodded my back. "Staying here is optional. We could go somewhere if you want?"

"Like?" I asked, busy trying to snag a cheese and tomato tea sandwich.

"I dunno, anywhere you want, since you're such a picky, stubborn, arrogant, unwilling-"

"Oh yeesh, I get it, you pick." I growled.

"How about lunch? It's already noon anyway," Shoot suggested, unnoticeable as ever.

"I swear, you two only think with your stomach I muttered, even though I was eyeing up that sandwich hungrily. "But okay, lunch is cool. Got any places in mind?" I waved over Kurapika and his off-brand Oreo.

Downtown seemed to lack flavor as we strolled through its commercial-lined streets. The local Pizza Hut was just around the corner, so instead, I pulled the gang to the left, closer to the port where gulls wheeled about in the gray-blue sky.

Eventually, after half an hour of wandering about mindlessly, we had Kurapika google nearby restaurants. We chose a middle eastern spot a few blocks down, and when we reached our destination, hunger had worked its way through all of us.

The door jingled at our entrance. The place wasn't too crowded, aside from a family and two people by their lonesome. The family was getting up to leave, and the other two customers were browsing the menu and _holy shit no no no._

There was an older woman with cropped ginger hair gelled back into a smooth swoop. The other person was a dark haired teen with green undertones and tan freckled skin.

I cautiously shuffled into the restaurant, begging Knuckle not to say my name as we chose a seat farthest from Gon and the lady. However god wasn't in my fucking favor cause the next one to speak my name would not be that oaf, but instead Kurapika; "Killua, we should try to keep the orders down, since I don't have enough to cover all of us." The rest of the group nodded at that, but I was too stressed about the mention of my name.

" _Killua_...huh?" Gon whirled around in his booth, puppy eyes widening when the found me.

"...yo," I rasped, trying to hide the red in my face. Caught with some bimbos rationing out the few bills we had? Not the most ideal situation.

"It you!" He gasped, pawing out of his seat and scrambling over to us. "Kil-lu-a!"

"Hrm," I avoided his excited stare. Suddenly, he glanced at Reolio.

"Leorio! Kurapika! You know Killua?" He rushed out. At the same time, I gave the two an indignant look.

"You know this hedgehog?" I demanded.

"Shut up. I'm not a hedgehog. You're a hedgehog." He sniffed. I touched my hair self-consciously. 

"It seems there has been a misunderstanding. Leorio, Gon, and I are part of a self-formed study group for Gon, since his grades are less than admirable. We haven't been friends for years or something."

"But we are friends, right?" Gon questioned not even responding to the jab at his intelligence, like he knew it was true.

Kurapika gave a weak shrug that Gon seemed to settle for. Leorio nodded slightly.

"Anyhoo, why don't you go back to your meal?" I coughed, nails pricking into the skin of my wrist as I withheld a scream. This freak, who saw me laughing at my own expense, was going to invade yet another part of my life?

"Why don't I sit with you? Hang on, let me grab my aunt," he laughed, sprinted over to the red headed lady, and sat her down with us.

"Hi everyone, I'm Gon's m—aunt. You can call me Mito."

"Kurapika, Knuckle, Shoot, Orelio, and me, Killua," I pointed to each of them in turn, then myself.

" _Leorio_ ," the guy corrected in a seething tone, like I had misspoken his name _on_ _purpose_.

"Ah, so very nice to meet you. Now you kids order what you want, I'll cover the cost," she smiled in that same expectant way her nephew did, lips wide with happiness.

"That's okay ma'am," Kurapika spluttered, dropping the menu far too fast. "We—we got it."

"I'm the adult here; it's my duty, so no worries."

"Actually," I coughed. "Leorio is pretty old. He is waaaaay older than someone as beautiful as you, Gon's Aunt, so he would be happy to cover the bill."

"Excuse me?! I'm twenty-one!" Leorio squawked, manners defenestrated. He seemed to realize denying it would make Mito pay, though, so he shut up quick.

"College? Where do you go?" Mito asked, more interested in Leorio now as she beckoned first us to order.

"Erm, Heavens Uni. University. H.U." He stammered.

"Oooh, the medical school? You're aiming to be a doctor, I presume." She looked approving. They dove deeper into what type of surgeon or dentist or the hell he wanted to be, so I tuned out and focused on the bouncing idiot ahead of me. Gon slipped next to me in the booth, cramming me up against Shoot. The narrow-framed boy took one look at me, and excused himself to the bathroom. Mito had pulled up a chair at the head of the polished wood table, but Gon had decided that beside me was right where he wanted to be.

"Sooooo..." he shuffled closer, then further. I turned up my nose at him.

"I don't have to speak to you,"

"But you want to," he tried, ordering the exact same dish as me, complete with falafel, beetroot hummus, and grape leaves.

"What gave you that idea?" I asked, sipping at my icy water. Way too many cubes, chattering against my cold teeth. I put the condensation-wet glass down, narrowing my eyes at Gon. "And how is it that you're in the same restaurant as me when just yesterday I met you? Coincidences are bullshit and you know it."

"I was here before you! Maybe you're the one stalking _me_."

"I didn't say anything about stalking," I said back coolly. My mouth felt dry and I made another stab at the cup. Still overflowing.

"You're tricky. Very tricky. I think you'd like my friend, Retz. She's stubborn, more than you, even."

"Oh, I don't _do_ friends. Not my style." I shook my head, playing down the odd burn in my chest.

"What about Kurapika and that buff guy? And the tall one?"

"Kurapika, maybe." I amended. "But Knuckle and Shoot are two crazy chickens. Shoot pretends to be an over-analytical mafia leader and Knuckle is a walking Jojo character."

Gon peered at me curiously. "You seem sad."

I jolted at this, shoulders lurching up in surprise. I opened my mouth a few times, trying to shake off his words or make light of them, but I just couldn't. Awkward quiet oozed between us.

"Are you?"

"Okay." I blurted. Instinct. My answer to people asking about my feelings. _Okay, okay_ , _okay_ , _I'm okay._ The lie felt funny in my throat.

"Okay," he parroted, and the word was starting to sound strange.

"Food." I attempted, pointing out the waiter who arrived patiently. He set down the platters, giving Gon and I a creepy check-out. Using one hand, he smoothed back his unnatural hair, and held out a hand.

"So nice to meet you in person, Killua." I froze.

"And who the hell are you?" I glared. I was mad because even though I didn't _know_ this man, I knew how he heard of me.

"Illumi's newest source," pinched eyebrows lowered over his observant pupils. "Also known as Hisoka Morrow. But you can call you want," he leaned a bit too close to Gon.

"Back the fuck away from us." I snarled. "And tell Illumi to go dig his grave, 'cause I'm about to shove him into it. I don't need him."

"I'll be sure to pass on the message," Hisoka purred, about to touch Gon's head, but refraining by a millimeter when my angry look captured him.

"God," I muttered under my breath as the pervert disappeared. Gon has busied himself with stealing all the dolmas.

"Who was that?" He mumbled around full cheeks. I pointedly shifted the plate away from him.

"Brother's lackey." Gon stared. "Erm, nobody. Don't let anyone who pretends to knows me near you, okay?" Call it protective brotherly love, it was Illumi's form of keeping tabs on me. Inserting randos into my life. He probably got Hisoka to take part-time jobs at every place in the vicinity.

"Well, he seemed a bit off," Gon gulped down his food, shifting his attention to the warm falafel I had acquired. "Speaking of-"

"Sh." I growled, shoving a piece of the toasty chickpea-based food into his mouth. He blinked, barely registering what was happening as I jumped away.

"I should go." I tried to stand up, but he didn't move out of my way.

"Why?"

"Please move," I whispered, voice losing validity with each word. "I can't explain right now."

"Will I see you at fencing tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure. There's a group lesson on Saturday so if you show up I'll be there. Either way I'll be there I mean. No wait, I mean that every week-Ugh never mind. Goodbye, Gon." I tried to clear my head while expecting him to shift away.

"Why—"

"I DON'T KNOW!" I burst out, pulse stampeding. "I just _don't_ okay? Now get out of my way."

I almost though he'd make some joke, keep pestering me, anything, but he just silently got out of his seat and let me leave. I laid a precious few dollars on the table to contribute to the bill, and then I was out the door, heart hammering unstoppably.

It was three pm, but it still felt like there was too much of the day left over. I started a slow walk through the city, the smell of seawater mingling about, but I couldn't take the tightness in my heart and broke into a sprint.

My aimless running brought me to the bay, where ships and sailboats docked and left. My feet slowed. The tang of salt was sharp, bitter, but welcome. The pressure within me, pushing in from my family and these strangers and all this change, eased up a bit as I stared out across the rippling murk.

Albatrosses swooped back and forth across the breezes, wind-riding creatures more airborne then I'd ever be. Behind me, a soft thud disrupted the peace. Turning, I saw a boy fumbling over his books and pencils, which were spilling out everywhere. Cautiously, I bent down and handed him his work. The page flipped open, and I was surprised to see a very well-drawn doodle within it. Three figures were sketched side-by-side mid-laugh and step. The trio all had short hair and grinning faces, but there was one distinct feature about the teen in the center. Call it paranoia but that looked like Gon.

"I'm sorry," the boy squeaked, tucking a wild strand of blond hair back into his blue baseball cap. His voice was high-pitched, tinnier than I thought it'd be.

"That's fine," I stammered, closing the book and dropping it dazedly onto his huddled arms. His hands brushed mine, calloused and rough. "You're a really good artist," I added as he jammed his belongings into a knapsack.

"Thanks," he sighed wearily, apologized again, and left me standing at the dock.

I got to the lobby of my building, nodded at the concierge, and pressed the seventh floor elevator button. My ascent was slow enough to add to my tiredness, and as my apartment came into sight, my legs were made jelly. Kicking off my shoes, I didn't bother changing and collapsed on my bed. It was three fifty yet all I wanted to do was fall asleep.

Fall asleep, dreams hindered by the hedgehog and the artist.


	3. Diamonds in the Rough

September liked to torture me. So did Bisky. 

It was currently twelve pm on Saturday. I was at Bisky's small club, alongside a multitude of other fencers. Among those people was none other than Gon Freecss.

He looked like he was about to call out to me, so I disappeared into the locker room to swap my sweats for shorts. I heard everyone else begin their running.

Gon timidly nudged open the door, glanced around, and stepped in. "Are you ignoring me?"

"Stop acting like we're best friends or something. You're just a stranger; I don't have to hug you every time I see you." I leant down, slipped off my sneakers, and pulled out my fencing shoes. Gon's eyes keenly fixated on my back, and the staring grew too much, so I whirled around and chucked my sneaker at him. He yelped, raising his arms to defend himself.

The shoe smacked him straight in the face. As it slid to the floor, he gave me a dry look. I smirked, tucked my belongings into my locker and went outside. The class was in session. I recognized Goreinu, Pokkle, Ponzu, and the brothers Amori, Omori, and Imori. 

"Ah, you've arrived," Bisky sarcastically narrated. I shrugged, putting my hands in my pockets nonchalantly as she ordered us to warm up. We started with running laps, although it was more like jogging. Gon annoyingly chose the spot right beside me and tried to strike up a conversation.

"Eyes on the prize, Freecss," I taunted, upped my pace, and stretched a few yards ahead of him. 

"You wanna race?"

"Better than talking about feelings," I muttered under my breath. His ears were a tad sharper than his intelligence, clearly, since he picked up my words. 

"Feelings are fun!" He cheered, caught up with me as I doubled back for a second lap. 

"Oh, hell naw," I hissed, pumping my arms to brush shoulders with the speedy Pokkle. He was definitely a light-footed boy, contrasting with the brute Goreinu, who liked to think with his muscles. The Amori brothers preferred to strategize with each other. And Ponzu was a hard-to-read loner. Mostly she seemed to observe her opponent's character outside of fencing to analyze how they would react in certain situations, an overly complex yet thorough method my family had once tried to teach me. And though it stuck fast with my brain, I hated every part of it for the fact that it was passed to me by the Zoldyck name.

"Give me a chance!" Gon leaned in and stabbed my back with his index finger. "I think we'd get along swimmingly."

"Okay, that sentence alone is enough for me to swear you off forever." I laughed, ticking off my lap count in my head. Just a few more to go before we switched exercises and I'd be able to get away from him.

"What?" He asked, dismayed.

"Take a joke, dude." I punched his shoulder lightly and his face brightened far too much.

"So you'll be my friend?"

"Wha-no! Where'd you get that idea?" I felt my running slow as my final lap ended. The ache in my calves hadn't eased up at all, and when I reached to grab my water bottle, my knees shuddered. I could tell Gon was on the verge of helping me, so I stretched out a leg and sat in a lazy pigeon position. The rest of the class decided to follow my lead and we began our group stretching. I stood, flexed my shoulders, and wandered away from Gon. 

"Alright, everyone get over here." Bisky called us, waving her arms. All of us slowly meandered to the coach. "You guys don't seem in-shape, but I know your school will be starting so you'll get enough beating out of your teachers, right? WRONG. Get on a strip, we're doing footwork." Communal groans were elicited by this, but eventually everyone stepped in place. I hid behind Goreinu, so Gon was forced to stay two strips away instead of right next to me.

We got through footwork quickly, and the guys crowded to the locker room when our scary coach ordered us to suit up. Gon trailed behind me, noticeably.

People began yanking on chest plates and underarm protectors on but Gon just sat there, blinking widely at me while they put on knickers. 

"Look, if you don't catch up quickly, you'll be just another nobody stuck in the back." Wise words coming from me. No, from my family. They told me to hurry up and walk with them. 

I ran ahead.

Gon looked like he was about to argue, so I shoved my way to my locker and quickly donned my gear. He took out his own borrowed stuff and stayed silent. Bisky was very loud with her prompting and all the guys rushed to get out before her wrath could reach them. 

The locker room cleared out till it was just Gon and I, coldly staring one another down. "Are you mad?" He asked finally. After some thought he said, "Do you want my phone number?"

"Why would-? That's so random!" I furrowed my brow in confusion. This imbecile was tripping me up with the ridiculous stupidity of his words.

"You seem interesting. Lonely. But interesting. There's more to you. I can tell." He squinted his eyes for effect, obviously hoping to get a smile from me. No way in hell. 

"I'm not some abandoned puppy. Go take in someone else."

"Do you have any friends?" He countered, slipping on a body cord.

"I don't need friends."

"Friends are fun." He pouted, trailing after me and forgetting his glove in the back. "Give us a chance."

"Us?" My ears strained. For some reason, I thought back to that small blond boy I had run into the other day. The boy with the sketchbook by the harbor.

"Friends," he conceded. "I mean, you can't do everything alone. Maybe, oooh, think of it as a study buddy, but for life, instead of school!"

"God, and I thought your IQ couldn't get lower," I muttered under a cough, but gave a weak smile to show I was joking. Ish. 

"That's rude. Don't be mean to friends." He shoved my arm, over balancing me, and running to Pokkle. The lanky ginger gave Gon one look of disdain, then traced his gaze up to me. 

We didn't get a chance to argue, though, because Bisky beckoned all of us into a huddle. Not literally, just a tighter circle. This isn't football. Bleh. 

"We're doing king of the hill. Whoever holds the king strip the longest gets to sit out of the fifty push ups you'll owe me. That should be enough motivation, I believe..."

"Yes, Bisky." A tense ripple wove through the group. 

"Okay, Imori and Pokkle will start on the king strip. The rest of you pick anyone you like."

I hooked up to a strip three down from the king, and saw Gon nervously shuffling. Sighing, I waddled over with my mask between my knees, dragging the reel behind me. "Do you know how this works?" He shook his head timidly. "Kay, so there's the king strip. You'll fence bouts on the strips before that. Each time you win you move up a strip," I gestured broadly to the space. Gon was staring intently at my chest. 

"Pay attention!" I barked. "If you lose a regular bout, nothing will happen, you just stay where you are. But if you lose on the king strip...." I circled my hand to the starting strip. "You head to the back of the line, essentially."

"Okay. Ummmmmm...." he still looked confused. 

"Oh I'm sorry," I mocked. "I didn't mean to strain your pea-sized brain. Ugh, just stick with me I'll show you what to do."

He didn't say anything, simply caught my eyes, a soft expression frozen over his lips, which was....painfully distracting. 

I let Gon take the spot I was going to grab, and reffed his match. It was against Ponzu, an eager girl. The points were erratic, never showing favor until Ponzu delivered the final touch. Gon wasn't gloomy at all as Ponzu moved up to the next strip, just took on Omori, most cowardly of the brothers. 

He lost. A dismal 1-5. After Omori was Imori, the tallest, slimmest, and most obsessed with lunges. It barely took a minute before Gon was breathing hard and defeated. I winced as the strongest, Amori, brutally took down Gon. I luckily didn't have to see their full bout because Ponzu challenged me after she said she'd made it to the king strip and lost to Pokkle. 

That bastard still held top place. I hazardly knocked in two points before Ponzu got serious. She was just about my height, maybe a few inches taller, but she still liked to go for the foot. It was 3-4 and I worried if I didn't beat her I'd have to face Gon. I wrapped up the bout rapidly with a flèche, scoring and leaving us at 4-4. Bisky came around for the last touch, and I was spurred on by the scary woman's glare. 

Ponzu was still cheerful when I won, dismissively shaking my hand and bouncing over to the water bottle shelf. I gaped at her suspiciously, and Bisky pinched my cheek. "It's not polite to stare at a girl." My face heated up. "Go fence Gon before I make you do burpees." 

"Yeah sure, you pervert." I shrugged away from her and waited for Gon to finish getting water. He was still stuck at the same spot, meaning he was yet to win a single bout. As he dropped into the on guard position, something pitiful snapped inside me and I weakened my grip. I'd let him win this one.

Halfway through, he was at four and me two. Pokkle was taking a water break and strolled past us, checking the score on the board with a sympathetic clucking. "Going easy on the gay one?" My chest burst into flames, and I carelessly lost my temper, practically punching Gon's head with my blade. He stumbled back a few steps. I turned to give Pokkle a triumphant look but he'd already ambled off back to his strip. I grit my teeth, shooting Gon a worried look as he straightened his mask. I didn't know Gon was gay, and I doubted he was, but the way Pokkle said it was so....derogatory. Of gay people. Oh, screw that guy, I was gonna kill him.

"Sorry," I blurted, and let him win. He wasn't as elated as I thought he would be, and when we saluted, his eyes were downcast. 

"Did you really need to go easy on me for me to win?" I let my lips babble silently as I followed him to get my bottle. 

"I didn't go easy on you. You seriously think I'd hold back on someone as bad as you?" My voice sharpened a few pitches. 

"Killua doesn't 'do' friends. So you couldn't have been trying to be nice, right? If you were trying to be nice I understand. But you don't 'do' nice do you?" His eyes glinted from under his hair. 

"Are you always this sensitive?" I growled, quickly abandoning any ideas of friendship I'd had. The thump of my heart had slowed considerably, to a saddening rhythm. 

"Only when my friends see me as weak."

"Yeah, whatever. Is it impossible to accept the fact that you beat me?"

"YES. Now I want a refund."

"The hell? You mean 'rematch'?"

"Same thing," he fumed in embarrassment, angrily grabbing the reel and leaving me no choice but to fence him again. "And don't hold back this time."

"Sure dude." But I didn't. The bout was over faster than any other one fenced, five-zero. 

"See," Gon gasped for air, laying down his weapon. "That was much better."

My respect for him rose, just a little.

"Stop fawning over each other and fence me, Zoldyck." I shivered at the mention of my last name. Pokkle only found it out when he stole my phone, left unlocked, and read through the emails I'd sent to Alluka. 

"Zoldyck-?" Gon began, but I practically shoved him backwards and glared at Pokkle. 

"He's not my boyfriend, nor will I ever date a numbskull like that. Fence me you coward," I taunted, trying to tame the wild racing in my head. 

"Numbskull...?" Gon echoed sorrowfully. I didn't like the icky thing in my stomach at the sound of his disheartened voice, so I clenched my gut and followed Pokkle to the king strip. 

It was a long bout, up to fifteen by order of our audience as the two best fencers in the club faced off. Pokkle had certainly improved over the summer, I could tell. The loud noises of our weapons meeting was filling my head, and Pokkle quickly caught me when I wasn't paying attention, slashing in a sabre-like manner down my arm and scoring on my elbow. A jarring pain screamed in the crook of my left arm, and my shoulder went weak for a moment--but it was nothing on what my parents made me endure, and I recovered swiftly, retreating to give myself time.

It went like this for some time, back and forth, lunging and retreating, until Bisky decided she had had just about enough of this. "Everyone pick a team and cheer on your side. Give advice, you know the drill. Whoever wins gets to avoid next practice's work out!" She added loudly, as if we needed more incentive other than to beat each other. Pokkle had always been this aggravating figure in my life that I dealt with, but he'd gone too far today. 

I risked a glance back to see if any of my fellow clubmates had rooted for my side, and saw a sad, small number: Goreinu, Gon, and an undecided Ponzu. In the end she switched to Pokkle. I wasn't surprised the Amori brothers hated me, given the first time I met them was on the other end of the strip at a tournament, and I had brutally plowed my way to first. That was back when my drive was failure in family's eyes. I'd liked to think that I had changed, but...

"GoOoO Killua!" Gon's voice warbled, petering out a bit when he realized he was the only one speaking. I felt extremely embarrassed for him, and I wondered how he kept his cool in front of so many people while singing off my name. Ugh, there was no way Pokkle would let this go now.

"Hurry it up, boys, we don't have all day." Bisky checked her nonexistent watch for effect. I tensed my legs and flèched. Pokkle lightly skipped a few steps back, parried, and nearly hit my shoulder again. I leapt halfway across the strip in an attempt to get away, mind scrambling to think of a plan. I used to think practice was all about winning, but that was never true. Bisky always told me I had to lose some in order to feel the reality of winning. I never really understood that, but listened to her advice and focused on my form rather than the touches. Well, in this case, that didn't apply. I was told I had a competitive streak, all thanks to Mommy Dear. I never would get over losing to Pokkle, and that only made me try harder, which made me lose harder. 

It was almost over before I could comprehend what had happened; Pokkle rushed me and got the score to nine-six. I didn't want to see the disappointment on everyone's face, so I focused on winning. Winning for pride, winning for rivalry, winning to put down Pokkle, winning to bring my confidence up. It was rare moments of mine like these that Bisky would commend me. Say I was reducing my analytical tactics that cost me wins. 

I won't lose, dammit.

And then I got a step closer. A minute later, on the dot. Thirteen-nine in my favor, I was getting ready to crush him when—

oh god that hurts that hurts that hurts; he sharply stabbed my shin, just below the knee where my sock had slipped down to expose the skin. Pokkle was annoying as fuck but he did know how to aim.

"Shake it off," Goreinu encouraged, and I tried to ignore the pulse in my leg while facing off the lost touch. Dammit. I only needed two more to win. I decided a flèche might get me somewhere, but that hadn't worked last time. A few simple mistakes would let him tie us at 13.

"Go for it," I could hear everyone muttering, so I quickly leapt forward, actions fruitful. One more, one more,

I was startled at the anger on Pokkle's face as he aggressively pushed me to the edge of the strip. My feet shuffled off through carelessness, and the point was his.

"Eleven fourteen," Ponzu called. "You can win this easy, Pokkle!" 

I felt a burst of fierce adrenaline. Losing this would be a huge blow. I was so wrapped up in my second-win, I hardly felt the poke of Pokkle's twelfth point.

The seconds blurred by. I wasn't sure how, but when my attention came to, the bout was tied at 14-14. Numb and defeated I didn't try and stop Pokkle as he swooped in for the last touch.

The rest of my fencing time melted into nothing. Somehow I was at the back of the club, stretching on the floor with Gon and Goreinu. The two meatheads has gotten along just swell, exactly the knife I needed in my heart after the letdown of a bout. 

Fast friends are fake friends, right? So it's alright for me to tread carefully, slowly, around this exotic boy? Or maybe I should stop denying myself the companion I always wanted. Friends had never been on the table in my family. It was just work work work and succeed.

"Hey Gon." My mouth was moving without my consent, stupid fucker. "Do you want—"

Pokkle and Ponzu just had to walk over in the second, and my lips were falling shut all too quickly. I can't believe I almost asked him to hang out. That little imbecile brainwashed me with his stupid pretty face.

"Hm?" He turned towards me, ignoring Pokkle.

"The, um, mall. Uhh. There. Yes." 

He giggled in the girliest way. Could turn me straight. 

"What about it?" He rocked on his legs, tipping a little too close. 

"There." I tried again. "Meet me. Ha ha...."

"GASP!" he intonated. "Does Killua want to hang out with me?'

"No! Uh, wait, yes. Ugh don't make me take it back," I threatened.

"I won't," He swore loyally. Goreinu took no interest in the conversation, which was a huge relief. I hoped against hope Pokkle hadn't heard. "Right after fencing?" He asked brightly.

"I mean like you smell so gross." I stumbled out. "But sure."

"Soo...maybe you could meet me later? At three or something. We COULD GO SHOPPING! Like BEST FRIENDS who are KARENS IN THE MAKING!"

"Shut up before you make a bigger fool of yourself," I advised.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

After getting home and sliding out of a cold shower, I'd ruffled my hair dry and changed into more appropriate clothes. I figured I didn't know Gon well enough to wear house clothes, so I chose jeans and a T. 

He, apparently, thought different as I waved to him outside the mall's cool rotating doors. High waisted green shorts that cut off halfway down his thighs matched his black tank and elbow-length jacket combo. 

"What the hell?” I snorted, enjoying the oddity of his get-up. 

"I was thinking we could get lunch?" His stomach spoke in sentiment for him. "I'm hungry..."

"Sure." I wasn't going to hide my agreement. 

It was a breezy September day, but it was still too warm for ramen (not that there was ever a time when ramen wasn't perfect) so I tried to get Gon to pick something. 

In the end we filled ourselves on samples in the food court, a variety of Mexican, Italian, Chinese, and Korean dishes. 

"Where next?" Gon was pretty enthusiastic to spend time with me, so we spent the rest of the day wandering about. Ice cream was high on his list, which led us to the local parlor.

He ordered a two-scoop fudge-brownie-cookie dough chocolate combo, with a waffle cone. I got a strawberry sorbet in a cup. 

We sat outside in the courtyard, reclining on the paint-peeled bench. Gon was busied with licking the melting droplets off of his dessert, so I did most of the talking, an unusual role for me. 

"You, uh, do any sports other than fencing?" I tried. 

He shook his head. "I—used to—do crew—" he babbled around the chocolate. "But it wasn't my thing."

"Cool." I awkwardly nodded, faced forward, and swung my legs.

The chitchat wasn't so stiff that it became unbearable. It was...nice to talk with someone so outcast from society. I found my introverted shell unwinding around this boy.

The day sped away, much to my distaste, and the sun was dripping over the horizon like Gon's ice cream in strands of gold and amber. 

"You wanna hang out like this again?"

I shrugged silently. "It was fun, yeah."

"Great!" He grinned. He looked like he wanted to swap numbers, so I stumbled back a bit. I didn't want to rush this joy. 

"See you on Monday?" I asked. 

"Uh...yep! I think I can make that."

"Wait so, when will we—" I closed my mouth. 

"I can make it Monday after school! Actually, just meet me out by the gates!" He waved an amicable hand, and was gone. 

Jogging away down the stone steps of the court, disappearing around the bend as he left the mall. 

A breeze ripped by furiously in his absence, and I realized the temperature was dropping rapidly. Clutching my arms, I skipped home, feeling like I was sailing in clouds. 

The lilting sun sparkles blindingly in the corner of my vision, like diamonds. 

Like a new night about to roll over. 

A new night for a new day.


	4. An Untimely Absence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I'm so sorry it has been so long. I have been super busy But I am trying to write more. Enjoy more Killua humiliation!

**"Dismissed** ," our science teacher, Ms. Yorkshire, gave us a heavy sigh and waved her hand.

I cautiously walked up to her as the students filtered out, nervously plucking at my book bag straps.

"Hello, Killua." She eased up from her spinning chair and gave me that open for questions look all nice teachers had mastered.

"Uh, I just wanted to check in about my current grade—"

"Currently you have a B minus." She crossed her arms. "That's below the average in my class."

"I know," I scratched my head. Feeling my hair under my fingertips I was reminded of... _a hedgehog._ Holy shit. My thoughts dropped away. "Umm..."

"I don't know what your personal situation is, but I do know that you aren't giving this class your full attention. You're an excellent youth, you just need to—"

"Sorry." I blurted. "I'm working on it. I guess recent events have distracted me, but it's going okay."

"Alright. You can talk to the grade counselor if you need anything. Bizaistom is good with feelings."

"Right..." I thought of the broad-faced nosy man. "But I'm fine! I swear, I've just been losing focus. I'll work on concentration, promise." Gesturing goodbye to the woman, I was out the door in a flash.

It was 2:35 on a regular Monday. Dashing to the school entrance, I laid down my bag by the heavy, iron-wrought gates and leaned against the low fence while I waited for Gon.

Five minutes passed with no sign of him showing, so I figured he must be in the bathroom, or had been held up by a teacher similar to me.

Or...maybe he already left? I spent a few minutes in Ms. Yorkshire's classroom, but he wouldn't be that impatient, right?

My eyes flicked to my watch. 2:41. No biggie. I could wait. I sank to the ground. Several other teens sat in circles on the pavement while waiting for people to come over and join them. Minute by minute, though, more and more would leave. Soon I was the only one still within the school boundaries.

I bit my lip. Maybe he didn't want to meet up. Maybe this was normal. Maybe I was making too big a deal of it.

2:48.

"Goddamnit, Gon." I muttered, gripping my phone. I'd been too cowardly to get his number, so there was no way to communicate.

Fencing was at 7-9 on Mondays, so I'd see him then, but...

Breathing out through my puckered lips, I pinched my nose and made to leave.

A short boy tripped down the school steps after me, grabbing my arm right before I turned. Hope flared in my chest as I took him in, but there was no bronzed skin and freckles and porcupine-esque hair. Just stark pale skin, wide blue eyes, and cropped blond hair.

"You!" I gasped. "Harbor boy!"

The boy looked taken aback, almost...offended.

"Excuse me?" His squeaky voice was so feminine, and his curved lashes seemed to lengthen in the globular rays of the sun. 

_Oh._

I didn't know how to apologize for misgendering the chap, so I just kept quiet. She finally extended a hand and introduced herself as Retz.

"Killua." I told her.

"Nice to meet you." She shook my arm strongly. "Gotta run, but see you around!"

"Yeah..." I watched after her back as she jogged down the sidewalk, shoulder bag swinging to and fro.

An icy gust claimed my frigid skin, so I yanked my sweatshirt from around my waist over my head.

It was almost three, so I abandoned any hopes of Gon and trekked home. How ridiculous of me to wait for half an hour on that geeky jerk.

I was late enough that I wouldn't run into Knuckle or Shoot at the station, which was a relief. I really couldn't handle either of them at the moment.

Home was a few minutes via bus away, but I wasn't in the mood to mope in my single-room apartment.

I ended up at the public park, although it was deserted save for the lone couple on this chilly day. I bit my nails, wrenching off a good few. Clenching my fists, I stared at my sneaker-clad feet. Bumping and skating across the tarmac.

"Hey, dude." I looked up and saw Kurapika, standing tall in his glowing gold beauty.

"Hey." I mumbled.

"You look like someone killed your family."

"That's not how I'd look like if my family died," I grinned.

"Yeah, you'd have a field day. What I meant to say is you look depressed as fuck."

"Hm." I was overridden with a wave of embarrassment when I realized I had been stationed on the park bench for half an hour oozing sadness at the standing-up of Gon Freecss.

"You okay? I hope your family isn't actually bothering you." Kurapika sat down slowly beside me, letting go of his bag.

"Nah, it's not them. Well, Illumi did start his whole spying shenanigans again." I dropped my face into my rosy hands. "He sends out randos to tail me. It's getting worse by the day. I can tell they want me to come home, but—"

"UGH screw them!" Kurapika curled an arm around my shoulders. "You are staying here. With me. Your real family."

I leaned into the comforting side-hug Kurapika was offering, almost feeling safe. "But, I can't completely abandon them. Like it or not they are my relatives. Also, Alluka needs me." A sick swirl in my stomach commenced. I sat up. "I can't believe I just _left_ her there..."

"Hey. Hey! Look at me." Kurapika forcefully grabbed my gaze. His silver-blue eyes glinted crimson in the harsh autumn sun. "Your sister is strong. No question. So..."

"I won't go back." I swallowed down the _yet_ forming in my mind. "Thanks." I relaxed my head back onto the older boy's chest. This was the peace I needed. Not the rambunctious Gon who would split my eardrums a mile away.

"Since you've been doing swell," Kurapika shifted to accommodate my head. "I need some advice on a recent problem that's arisen."

"He likes the way you speak." I fluidly replied, already knowing exactly what Kurapika was talking about. "It's so mature and eloquent, but not patronizing. It's...nice. Pleasing."

"Oh—thanks? But are you sure we're talking about the same person—"

"Reolio." I snorted. "Forgot his real name, but I can understand why he might be bothering you. If ya ever need someone...to bite the metaphorical dust..."

"Killua!" He gasped melodramatically, swatting my arm. "I'm not gonna get him _killed_!"

I held up my palms defensively. "All I'm saying is the offer's on the table. Ahem."

"Don't jump to homicide when I give you a situation." Kurapika scolded. I shot back a feline grin, all teeth.

"For you, anything."

Some thought Kurapika and I were romantically related, but he'd always been more of a father (dare I say mother) figure to me. He'd done a better job guiding me than either of my parents, so I adored him with a kinship.

"Let me at least tell you how it's been going. It's actually...not that bad." The guy shrugged, almost sheepishly. "I'm glad to be his acquaintance. _Friend_. He's aggressive but nice. Not the brightest, I'll admit, but there's heart."

"Wait..." I peered at him. "You're not actually considering—the flippity flap?"

"EH?!" He was scrambling back in milliseconds, a blush eating up his pale complexion. "I'm saying he's a good friend, not that I want to _do it_ do it."

"I can see it in your eyes," I joked, twisting my shoulders mockingly.

"Whatever. You haven't really told me what got you so down specifically today. Your always a storm cloud of angst, but today feels different." The concern was back.

"Okay Mister Weather Woman," I tried to avoid the topic, but Kurapika was persistent. "I met someone."

"Yes."

"And I think they are an above average person on morality levels and personality traits. So I asked them to hang out and—"

"YOU MADE A FRIEND!" Kurapika screamed, standing up for the whole park to hear.

"Quiet," I hissed, pulling him back down.

"But if you made a friend, why are you hanging around me?"

"I told you, I don't do friends." I was grumpy enough to miss the fact that I had told Gon that, not Kurapika. I had pushed against knowing Kurapika more than I had with Gon. Honestly, with him I was happy to give in.

"Well, give this friend a chance. Maybe they don't do them either and don't know how to approach you properly." _No one knows how to approach me._

"It's Gon." I blurted, "The one you've met. Same guy." Kurapika's face was straight.

"Oh. Him. Yeah. You'd expect him to have acres of friends lining up to hang out with him, right? Truth be told, other than me he only has two friends."

Something tipped in my mind. "Two?" I numbly repeated. Kurapika shrugged.

"Anyhoo, I'm not gonna judge your taste. But why are you so gloomy? If you made a friend, you should be happy!"

I looked away, biting into the inside of my cheek. "He didn't show." I coughed.

"That's adorable." Kurapika sighed. "Don't you have fencing? Forget about this boy and go get a scholarship before you decide you're homosexual, okay?"

"I didn't follow any part of that sentence." I said that in a dumbfounded tone.

"Go! SHOO!" He waved dramatically, spurring on a laugh within me as I snatched my bag and danced off to the station.

I took the wrong line AND switched buses too soon, and arrived at fencing half an hour late, but my chest was light enough that I didn't care. I lost to Pokkle ten fifteen, but nothing could squash my mood. Even realizing that Gon had not shown up to practice...

"Killua." Pokkle grabbed my bony shoulder in the locker room. "You were totally off it today. I don't want to win against someone sleeping." He sounded angry if anything.

I grit my teeth, trying to shove him off. "Leave me alone. I could care less about your honor; if you want to lose so badly, fence Bisky or some crap."

"Hey." He tightened his grip. I paused halfway through pulling on a shirt.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Me." I growled, bristling. He probably could sense the tension pouring off of me, and stepped back, withdrawing his hand from my bare back.

I yanked on my shirt, clutching my sweater with a shaky hold. Crossing my bag strap over my chest, I clenched my stomach to drive back the sick shivers. Whenever a cold hand touched my back, I always expected pain.

But from Pokkle? I don't know, it just set me off. I held my arms the whole walk to the bus, and even sitting in my cold seat I was shaken.

I reached my small apartment slightly less overwhelmed. Setting down my stuff, I jumped out of my shoes and speedran through a shower. I couldn't bring myself to eat anything, so I opened up my laptop and tiredly searched through my assignments.

The screen seemed all to bright with work, and I ended up spamming the device shut.

 _Ding!_ Went my phone, startling me out of my socks.

 _No one ever texts me,_ I thought, suspiciously eyeing the unknown number.

"Screw it," I muttered and opened the message.

 _Hi!_ It read. My heartbeat erratically thumped. This was clearly spam. Or some sort of scam or virus or LITERALLY ANYTHING BAD.

 _Hi_ , I shot back like an idiot. I was lonely and I was starting to lose interest in safety.

_Hru?_

_Depressed. Fuck off or give me the virus link._

_Sorry I couldn't make practice ><_

My pulse froze. I clicked out of there as fast as I could, blocking the number and deleting the conversation.

Stalker? There was no one I gave my number to, so it had to be. I trusted my instincts to notice if someone was tailing me...maybe I wasn't as alert as I thought.

I scanned my living room, more of an arm chair plus kitchen combo than anything. The bathroom. My bedroom. Anywhere.

I fell into an uneasy sleep on the couch that night, squeezing my phone in absolute terror until exhaustion took over.

**< ><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

The morning was killer, sure, but so was my spine. I rubbed my shoulders and neck pitifully, knowing Bisky would have my ass on Wednesday for not stretching. Not only that—today was Tuesday, the first real YHH fencing session since Wing left.

I arrived at the school building a few minutes late, but I was limb-heavy enough not to care. Loosening the strap of my bag, I slid into a seat as my history class began.

My eyes stayed numbly forward straight so I didn't see the person slip beside me.

"May I use the restroom?" I raised my hand when I could take no more of the dreary lesson.

Mr. Tsezguerra nodded grimly. Someone else asked, too, but I went ahead instead of being a normal human and walking with them.

Outside the men's room did I realize the person trailing after me was Gon. "Hey." I meekly rasped.

"I'm so sorry for ditching you!" He blurted as I pulled on the handle of the bathroom.

He walked with me inside, a chatterbox as usual. "And or missing practice. Something really, really important came up and I had to skip out. I hope you got my text."

I froze.

"Your...what?"

"Text? It would have been from this number—" he unlocked his phone shamelessly producing his password and pointing at his number.

My jaw _dropped_. I clung to my face in utter embarrassment—and then turned it outward at him with a harsh slap on his bare arm.

I tried to focus on causing him pain rather than feeling his smooth skin. My voice caught in my throat.

"Hey!"

"Give me that—!" I snatched his phone. I was not letting another person see me weak.

It was bad enough that Kurapika had to baby me; I didn't need someone like Gon looking down on me.

Before I could delete the messages from his end as well, he took his phone back.

His eyes tiredly looked at the words. "Anyway, I'm so sorry about that. I can make it up to you-?"

I turned away. "Sure." my voice caught. "I'm free basically anytime, so..."

I was startled when his arms gently curled around my shoulders.

It wasn't normal for someone I barely knew to hug me, but I was too exhausted to resist.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. We should get back to class, and I-"

"I want to be your friend. Think about it, 'kay?" He pulled away. I managed to stop my lip from trembling for as long as he was around me. The moment he turned the corner to return to class, I broke.

Clenching my fingers into fists, nails digging into skin, I shudderingly reeled in my emotions.

"Yes." I whispered to the emptiness. "My answer is yes."


End file.
